another crazy week.

since my mom has gotten out of here hip replacement surgery and is recovering she has to have physical therapy at least 3 times a week, add that to school, work, studying, and trying to work out as much as possible, I pretty much have a hard time fitting everything in and giving my school assignments 100%. I'v definitely noticed myself doing worse in school lately. it kinda sucks but this is life. I just hope that she will be willing to give me gas money for driving her around. doubtful though, my family isn't really a giving community when it comes to gas. in the meeting my mom was telling her therapist that she wanted to be driving soon. someone grab a shotgun and shoot me in the head real quick. its not that I'm being a total brat about it, I just don't feel safe when A.) she has to lift her leg to set it on the gas or brake (this was even before the surgery) and b.) she can't even get herself in and out of the car by herself. her having to use the car is just going to be stressfull especially with time management (since she is always late and not reliable.)

don't judge me, this is the only time I get to bitch and moan about annoying things (I'm sure that others would tell you different.)

on a lighter note, this concludes ( is that the right word?) week 3 of operation; loose lots of weight so I can finally fit into my first sexy swim suit and get super sexy strong. haha long tittle i know. so the results are in from weighing myself everyday. (its a bad habit) and I'v lost 10 pounds. I also ran 2 miles today with my friend Roxy, without stopping... impressive... I'm a beast... and I can lift 10 pounds on the bar in the gym. oh yea!!! haha. so I know weigh 140 pounds yea..

to celebrate my tiny accomplishment I am rewarding myself with my first ever facial.

the sad thing though is that I can't tell that I'v lost any weight, hopefully when I loose more it will be more noticeable, And I won't have to avoid walking near the mirrors in the gym anymore. you know you do it too. unless of course you've got a nice body.

I'm also back at square one on where the heck I'm going after i graduate... we will see what happens.

This has been a short glimpse into the crazy life of an average teenager.

blah!

I am sitting here at Kadlec with my mom I'v been here for and hour and a half so far (I think All of my readers would appreciate the) ... watching an unknown movie on TV, with Bill Murray, and John Candy, its pretty funny, its about them joining the Army.

It kinda makes me think more about joining since its pretty much on my mind all the time. I went to The Marine Recruiting Station to work out with foxy Roxy for the first time and almost died. It made me really want to quite. I don't exactly have a good history of sticking with things. i'm pretty much a quitter. But I'm going to stick with this for now.

I'm kinda sick of being over weight. Its about time I can look at a photo of myself thats below the neck and be happy about it. I heard that the first step to losing weight is to let people know so that you feel more ashamed when you fail. well I made the last part up, but its pretty much true. so here we go. I topped this year off by weighing 150 flippen pounds. I figure if I never told people how much I weigh i wasn't that big, but the truth is its kinda obvious. so I lost 5 pounds on my own so far and am at a wooping 145 PNDS. I have to lose 2o PNDS to even slightly qualify for the Military. So I will be working out and eating "better" So if you see my eating junk food or sitting on my butt yell at me to get my "Ass in gear," something that always gets me moving and laughing when my "personal trainer" yells at me when we run. your probably also wondering why I have a very suggestive picture of a hotty on my page... because this is my inspiration. haha don't judge me. I'v gotta dream big

So week 2 of working out (being permanently sore also) and kinda eating better and i'v lost 1 pound! yes!!!!!! I'm a beast, no need to tell me.

anyhow back to the hospital, I'm with mom and she's in a really good mood, laughing (the movie is pretty funny) and being the mommy that I love.... I think that her new hip is a big chunk of her good mood, she's pretty excited to being better, or improved. maybe its the absence of my brothers that has her stress free. maybe someone would be willing to take them forever? any passing by creepy vans interested? oh man have i gone to far? haha.

excited for my Andy roo to come back home in a couple weeks, and to work with MaryAnn on the surprise Daddy party... and if this gets out I know who I will have to interrogate. all 2 of you be warned.

things fall into place...

It has been a really long time since I have posted anything, and its mostly because I could not think of what to say or most importantly how to write it down. this post most likely will be a jumble of things. but thats how I usually am anyway. :) a jumble of random things.

I'd like to dedicate this random part to my Family... even though they are skilled in the annoying catagory i love them. the hardest part about leaving or deciding to leave after high school is that I won't be able to see them or watch my Nieces grow up. or that my brothers won't help my mom and ignore her, how will she get around? I'm the only one who can drive the younger ones around since dad works all the time... THEY NEED ME!!!!! I might be being a tad bit overly dramatic but i'm entitled to it at least 5 times a day as a teenage girl, with no judgment. I do hope that I am over reacting and that they will be fine when I leave.

I just found out that my almost sister in law/ brothers Fiancé fell and lost her baby that she was expecting with my brother. I hope that things will work out and that they will both be happy.

"life isn't about the trials we have, its how we react to them"

I hope that they can move on and work even harder to be together or to do what they need to be happy, what ever life has in store for them.

I'm taking the ASVEB today... and I'm pretty nervous!

bucket list!

I'v been feeling pretty good lately, motivated and excited for school to start, ready to give it my best effort. I'm not worrying about getting 4.0's and doing a million club's thats to stressful. the only thing I care about is doing my best and passing high school, and getting as close to an AA as possible, I'm excited about the classes i'm taking at CBC and hope that they will not be too hard. although my math level is around the 5th grade level (there I go being dramatic again) as long as I get all the class requirements and just need math classes for my AA, i'm fine with that.

Along with the school year starting i'm making more of an effort to hang out with my friends and text them every day! I have also created a new relationship with a girl on my tennis team from last year. she is pretty awesome and we are training for the new tennis season together. we are both working towards being on the varsity singles. she's pretty athletic so she is like my own personal coach.

something that I recently tried while at my friends house for

her birthday where fry'd twinkies. They where really good. at first we didnt think that the frying would go so well but it worked and the twinkies did look a little like fried rats but after tasting them... our attitudes changed. yummy!!!

School is starting and the time to decide what my plans are for the coming years are coming closer. my idea is that if I wait and do nothing it will just happen...whatever fate has in mind will just fit together and throw me down that road. I know that my reasoning is bad. but i'm terrified that I will make the wrong choice and screw my life up. dramatic I know, but remember i'm a teenager thats my forte.

"Do not plant your dreams in the field of indecision, where nothing ever grows but the weeds of "what-if." ~Dodinsky

this quote is pretty awesome... I found it through browsing the internet. I just have to find the strength to act on it. blah!

I'v decided that if i'm going to be making decisions I should have some goals or guidelines. so i'm going to make a bucket list!

My Bucket List!

* go to England.

*participate in a foren exchange program in college.

*shoot a gun.

*get a tatoo, it can be a henna tattoo.

*get drunk.

*fall in love.

*go blonde.

*be in the military.

* be debt free

*own a house.

*ride a motorcycle.

*be skinny... my ideal weight.

*meet a celebrity.

*change a persons life.

*have a life changing experience.

*be electronic free for a long period of time.

*work with kids... not permanently.

*make a person happy that they met me.

those are just a few items that I can think of at the moment. I'm sure that It will grow and change.

summer is ending... let the school year begin

I am so very ready for school to start. this summer has been the most boring one i'v ever experienced. All i have been doing all summer is working, I think i have actually hung out with my friends a grand total of 5 times. its scary to think that I pretty much have no one to hang out with or talk to. hopefully things will pick up when school starts. I wish that this year was over and I was able to leave... this school year seems pretty pointless. I am so ready to leave and start my life.

Today was a pretty boring day... I was going to go to the new glee 3D concert with my friends, but alas they cancelled, and rescheduled for another day. but i will be going hiking tonight hopefully up badger mountain and playing tennis tomorrow with some friends of mine.

well I did get up at the crack of noon and got ready for the movie that was then canceled on me. so I was all ready and looking pretty decent for a change and I didn't want to put that time and effort to waist so I took some pictures. haha, the funny thing about my pictures is that I was trying to look pretty and (caugh) a lil sexy... but lets just say I dont pull sexy or pretty of very often so the result is interesting. im always embarrassed to put up photos of me on Facebook or online because I don't feel very good about the whole face or body thing going on...

however I am trying to start a new chapter in my life... its called the work out a lot, try to look pretty, be happy and smile more chapter. if you think that tittle is long just think how long the actual chapter will be. I really do want to make over my life and self so I figure it will take a while. but I will try and have fun doing it. Yea! I suppose that part of my chapter of the emmy makeover is the airfare, or whichever branch I decide to go into if I even do commit to it.

so here we go! yea... a new school year!

My mission

As summer is winding down I have the opportunity to look back and see all of the things that I didn't get to do. Know it is my mission to compress the things that I would like to have done into the short few weeks of summer that I have left. so here goes... we will see what happens.

this summer has proven to me just how boring I am and how I am so un-willing, and scared to do anything new, or unfamiliar. I'm pretty sure that I get that from my mom, which is scary. i'm stuck living in a boring world of repetition and cheapness. I need to find an outlet or something to do that I find enjoyable. i'm afraid that I will go crazy living where I am.

I suppose that all of this has lead up to the discover that I need, and have to join the Air force. I kinda see it as a light at the end of the road. it feels like my life with start as soon as I join. I know that my reasoning is crazy... but i'v come to the conclusion that I am crazy, you have to be when you come from my family.

i'm actually really excited to begin the process of enlisting, I hope that everything will go smoothly and that I will be eligible and ready to join. I am actually waiting to find out if I can join and sign my papers before I really tell anyone. I think it would be fun to say hey by the way i'm enlisted in the Air force i'm leaving in 2 days. thats would be easy and I wouldn't have to worry about telling everyone and getting all there crappy feedback.

Reasons: ( things I tell myself thats its ok to do this crazy thing)

* finally get to have something of my own.

*life is too boring already

*finally be skinny

*feel bad Ass

*hot boys to look at

*my way of avoiding things, boys, Marriage, family... etc...

* pay for college

*become a better person

*become independent and mature

*escape

my list is pretty interesting, but its what iv got and its probably going to grow. i'm really really hoping that my enlistment process will actually happen and that I will finally get what I want... but the process starts now and we will see what happens. If I don't end up getting in I will find something else to do.

thats whats been on my mind...

whats always on my mind...

there is never a time or place that I don't have this one thing on my mind, what is going to happen after next year? I look at every one I know and even people that I see walking around and think to myself, what did they do to get where they are now, what can I do to avoid being like that person, or how can I become like that person?

people look at me and think that I have a billion doors open to me, that I have the world at my fingertips. the truth is i'm fighting to keep those last few doors from slamming in my face. sure my dads a doctor, wow he must be smart. yep he is, he spend over 10 years going to school learning, that doesn't mean that i'm smart or that he has lots of money to spend for my education.

what i'm most afraid of is that I will turn into the mormon stereotype, or more specifically like my parents . I look at those people who tell me that I should go to BYU and get married and have a billion kids right NOW, well I see that you did that and you don't look to happy to me.

Why is there this huge rush to get married and to do everything now. you have the whole world in front of you, and time. At this point in my life I don't think that Marriage or kids are in the cards for me. from what I see from the world, Happily ever after, or even happily for a year isn't very realistic. people hate each other, they sleep in separate rooms, there kids are the evil.

I'm scared of the world and of the future. I just want to press pause and stay where I am forever. does anyone know how to get to Neverland!?