whats always on my mind...

there is never a time or place that I don't have this one thing on my mind, what is going to happen after next year? I look at every one I know and even people that I see walking around and think to myself, what did they do to get where they are now, what can I do to avoid being like that person, or how can I become like that person?

people look at me and think that I have a billion doors open to me, that I have the world at my fingertips. the truth is i'm fighting to keep those last few doors from slamming in my face. sure my dads a doctor, wow he must be smart. yep he is, he spend over 10 years going to school learning, that doesn't mean that i'm smart or that he has lots of money to spend for my education.

what i'm most afraid of is that I will turn into the mormon stereotype, or more specifically like my parents . I look at those people who tell me that I should go to BYU and get married and have a billion kids right NOW, well I see that you did that and you don't look to happy to me.

Why is there this huge rush to get married and to do everything now. you have the whole world in front of you, and time. At this point in my life I don't think that Marriage or kids are in the cards for me. from what I see from the world, Happily ever after, or even happily for a year isn't very realistic. people hate each other, they sleep in separate rooms, there kids are the evil.

I'm scared of the world and of the future. I just want to press pause and stay where I am forever. does anyone know how to get to Neverland!?

Test drive

My inspiration!
hello blogging world! this post is going to be short and sweet. I suppose that I am going to just write about whats on my mind, and its not that great. My dirty room! now that summer school is over, I get to lay in my bed as long as I want. the fact that i'm laying in my bed all day has nothing to do with me being tired, I'm just trying to indulge in teenage practices as long as I can considering I don't know what I am going to do after I graduate or how much time I have left to be a teenager or lazy. As I lay in my bed it seams that my room just gets more and more trashed. the things are pilling up and I know that I am am going to have to clean it soon. so wish me luck! so far you have witnessed the amazing life of me! isn't it exciting? (sarcasm)